My son was diagnosed with Autism when he was six years old. It was difficult, sometimes painful, and very much a learning experience. But we were lucky on many different levels. We live in Seattle, and we had a choice between Seattle Children’s Autism Center and The University of Washington Autism Center. We got on the…
I sacrifice my weekends, nights and sleep schedule to make a little extra money for bills. I give up my time, spending most of my day at a park in order to put my child in an awesome program.
Because as much of a loner as I am, as solitary and self-contained as I am, I do enjoy that human connection. I love that by writing, I am able to express myself more clearly than I ever can through speech. And the thought that I could connect with someone through my personal thoughts and musings truly makes me happy.
Autism and ADHD. My son has them both. And gets treated for both. In ways that are apparently controversial.
Over the past several years, I’ve become part of a very special community, quite literally. I’m still finding my way, but I’m learning the ropes of being a Special Needs parent.
This sounds horrible. Why would you grieve for a child who is a living and loving an part of your life right here and now?
But it’s true. I grieve every time I realize that things I thought he would be able to do are just not attainable. It seems selfish, I know. It’s not his fault, I should be able to accept him for who he is and be happy for all he can do and all the things that he is so very good at.
Reality isn’t that easy or perfect.
I bristle when I hear the stories people like to bring out. Stories about the crazy person, the angry person, the weirdo. And in our SJW day in age, the sexist, the racist, the bigot. Labels and judgement, and I assume they’re all aimed at me. That I am, in some way, that person that story is about.
I was thrilled at first, called my husband and let him know that we’d get to stay in a really nice hotel and our son would be having an extra special birthday since we were throwing his party that morning.
Then the guilt set in. I felt like I was taking advantage, that maybe we didn’t deserve this.