There are times when I find it difficult to write. Sometimes it’s lack of time. Other times, it’s lack of inspiration. And all too often, it’s simply because I don’t think I have anything worth writing.
I went through a period of time my twenties when I felt I had nothing to say, nothing worth writing, that my life, my experiences and my thoughts weren’t worth writing down. That I had nothing worthwhile to say or share. That I wasn’t smart enough, worldly enough, good enough, or just… enough.
I’ve discussed this before in my blog, the feeling that we’re never enough. In I Remember Falling, I talk about my difficulties and grief over the fact that in this life, for me at least, people feel as if they will never be enough. I try and cover the topic again in the post We are good enough as we are. It’s a mantra I repeat even if it feels like it doesn’t always ring true. I have to believe I am good enough.
I know one thing. Even when I wasn’t feeling like I was good enough, I was always thinking and dreaming. When I wasn’t writing, I was drawing.
I’m a creative. I am forever taking in stories. I read book after book, watch movie after movie, marathon watch series after series. Fantasy, drama, stories, myths, folklore, I adore it all.
I know, even now, when I’m having a hard time writing, I remind myself that it’s not because I’m not good enough. It’s not because I lack skill, inspiration or drive.
Life just gets in the way sometimes. I’ve been busy, its the holiday season, after all. I just had a birthday. I work just short of full time at a physically taxing job. I’ve been sick for nearly three weeks. My cat almost died. My parents and sister came to visit for a week. I have a child. I was doing website, logo designs and graphic design work.
Finding time to write hasn’t been a priority.
I will start writing again. I will start drawing again.
I never really stopped. I will never stop.
It has never mattered who sees or reads my work. I’ve never cared about becoming well known, famous or even making money.
I create because it is who I am. That is all that matters.