I’ve had a lot to think about recently. From relationships, parenting, and the unfortunate issue of theft. I’ve had to wrangle negativity, assumptions, and loss. Luckily I’ve also enjoyed support, love and fortune.
Through it all, I’ve come through happier and more confident in myself. I have a great job that I really love, my son has been doing wonderfully at school, and as a family, we’ve been taking much needed steps towards a healthier lifestyle. I’ve also been touched by the genuine generosity and kindness of friends and family who reached out to me after the car prowl and theft of my beloved tablet.
I don’t know if I would have been able to handle it all with the same confidence had this all happened a few years ago, or even a few months back.
It’s funny how the cycle of my life works. I continue to go through difficult times, anxieties and periods of lows. Each time I pull myself out, I am stronger because of it. Lessons are learned, confidence grown, new red flags noted. I am hoping that during this next cycle, though I might hit a low again, I will not fall into the same pitfalls I did this last time, or all the times before.
There is one thing that I feel I have learned above all. I must stay true to myself. Speak my truth, live my truth, and believe in myself. When I am uncomfortable, I need to pay attention to the warning signs and listen to my intuition. I have good intuition, especially when I’m not tired or worn down.
Good people, genuine people, those who I connect to almost instantly, those are the people I stay friends with, stay connected to and continue to lift me up. I hope that I am able to do the same for them. I know I try.
Those who I feel I have to work to please, find flaws in who I am or demand change, I need to learn to step back from. It’s hard not to fall back into my people pleasing ways, to worry about fitting in, about being good enough, or acceptable.
What I’ve realized is that what is ‘acceptable’ and ‘good enough’ is relative. I don’t have to adhere to other people’s standards or expectations. I am good enough, just as I am.
It all comes back to being ‘unfuckwithable,’ as an unexpectedly generous and increasingly dear friends has encouraged me to be. I am so pleased to realize that I have a growing circle of such friends and associates, who see the value of who I am.
I must remember to focus on these positive influences in my life and continue to be a positive influence in theirs. Because that is what matters to me most in this life. Being positive, uplifting, loving and accepting.
Though there are people in my life who have hurt me, who are not a good fit for me and where I am in my life, I wish nothing but the best for them. Everyone has their own path, their own journey. As I release those people, things and even hopes and desires in my life that were not meant to be, I am am able to continue on my own personal journey with renewed hope and freedom.
Growth truly is a beautiful thing. Growth without judgement or expectation is even more so.
Writing this brings to mind the trees we saw while hiking today. We came across a number of amazing trees growing out of stumps. One tree grew on, remarkably, though the stump had decayed out from under it. That lone tree certainly had not expected for its seemingly foundation to crumble. Yet, its roots had grown deep, and they took hold in earth, the solid ground.
I like to think that I too, am growing my roots deep, finding my own solid ground. I hope that I am truly becoming ‘unfuckwithable.’ Even if everything in this life falls away, changes and decays, I will stand on my own, confident in my own truth.