I’ve had a lot to consider recently. Relationships and experiences that did not go as expected, and yet were all an interesting learning experience. It is interesting how dynamics between people work, and I continue to be fascinated, baffled, hurt, and even amused.
I have yet to figure out where I fit in, and I’m okay with that. I’ve been okay with that for a long time. It’s only when I forget, when I get wrapped up in wanting to fit in that I have trouble.
It is when I seek to change myself to fit that the trouble starts. I think this is the case for most people. I’m not that malleable. I’m resistant to outside pressures, no matter how much I would like to fit in so I can feel like everyone else.
This is when the anxiety hits, this is when I start to struggle. The moment I start trying to please others, I start to fall apart. And as I work to try and be who I think other people want me to be, I draw the wrong sort of attention. The wrong sorts of impressions.
I was so sure that people were reading me wrong, and so, somehow I was doing something wrong. That it was my body language, my actions, something I was doing that was giving them the wrong impression.
I found myself wanting to scream, to tell them, “I’m not who you think I am. You have no idea who I am.” I felt unheard and frustrated.
Because people judge. People talk, and people form opinions without truly getting to know a person for who they actually are.
I can’t change that about other people, and I have no desire to. It’s not my job to earn someone’s favor. If I have to fight to get a word in, to hope that they’ll actually listen to me and see me for who I am, then it’s not worth my effort to maintain that relationship beyond the most basic associations.
When it comes to shared passions and interests, there is less of an issue. I am ever thankful for having found people who I can relate to, speak to, share with. People who have similar goals and aspirations.
Every time I attend a meeting or gathering with other creative people, I cannot help but find something to be thankful for. I am always finding people who are willing to build each-other up, who wish to see one another succeed.
It is this sense of community, the desire to build one another up that has helped me keep on despite recent setbacks. I do not need to change, and should not feel pressured to change in order to feel passionate, supported and part of a community. And so, I too, will accept, care about, and support those who do the same for me.
I am excited to see other creatives working on their passions. I love sharing any knowledge or resources I have. I don’t care where someone is in their journey, we are all on the same path, no matter our pace, no matter how fancy our equipment is, or how lofty our ultimate goal.
Change is inevitable. Sometimes we move towards our goal, sometimes we fall a few steps back, and other times, we tumble off the path completely. That’s okay. Because no matter where we are, what we’re doing or where we’re going, it’s good enough.
And we shouldn’t let anyone tell us differently. The nasty voices of self-doubt and the angry, frustrated voices of those who seek to pull us off our path, they are obstacles to be sure.